What would you do if your spouse told you, you can not work?

well a few weeks ago my hubby and i got into a huge fight. he then transferred all our savings from our joint acc. into his checking acc. after another fight about that, we have been getting along.


but my problem is im a stay at home mom of 4 kids. 3 in school and a baby at home all day. my hubby works and takes care of everything. hes a WONDERFUL provider! but my complaint is everything is his. all the money, the house, cars, everything. because he works. i feel everything should be ours, because we are partners.


anyway, last night i asked him if i could get a job. he said no because he doesn't want to pay for daycare. so i told him i would work at night. that way he could watch the kids. and he said no, when he gets off work its his time to relax. then i asked why cant i work? and he says you don't need to, don't i take care of you?


so before bed i asked one more time can i get a job? and he said no. maybe when the baby is in school. (which is in 4 years).


dont get me wrong, i LOVE being a stay at home mom. but im worried about my future. what if we ever split? then i would be stuck.


am i being selfish? should i just let it go? please help!!|||He sounds controlling. You're right. If it doesn't work out, you're screwed. I think it's only fair if you want to work, you can. What about a part-time job? The money you earn can compensate for child care. Tell him to stop being so controlling. If he continues to do so, you may need to seek marriage counseling.|||No, you are not being selfish. And no, you should not "just let it go". It doesn't sound like he's thinking of you at all - only himself. You guys won't get very far if he doesn't stop being so selfish and controlling. Sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel. You have every right to be heard and respected... especially by your HUSBAND.|||If you are planning to divorce him in the future then check out the laws in your state regarding distribution of assets in a divorce.





If you don't see a divorce in the future then quick complaining about having a wonderful provider and the opportunity to raise your children. |||Confront him like this: if something terrible were to happen in which you died or we had to seperate, I want to be able to have my fair share. If he goes, why would we ever seperate? You could say.. well, you're showing the early signs of an abuser and it's scaring me. |||You can't just LET him control everything. Tell him that if you're not "allowed" to work then you want all the money back in your joint account %26amp; you also want your name added to Title on the house. Period. |||No of course not. In fact he is the one being selfish. He needs to realize that you both are a team, you share everything. But dont worry because if you both split u get 1/2 of his earnings. |||i think he is a control freak!!


you are partners and everything should be shared between the two of you.|||Your husband sounds controlling dear. |||I am sure your husband loves you and that he is a great provider. He is also a CONTROL FREAK. Why do you have separate accounts? Why do you have to ask him permission to get a job? He is your partner not your father. It is normal to have these feelings, you dont want to wake up one day and have no choices or not know what to do.





You are not selfish, you are seeing a pattern. My little sister lived the same life. Then her husband threw her out. She couldnt even take her kids with her, she had no job, no skills and no way to defend herself. Her name was on nothing and had no rights to anything.





I am not saying it will happen to you, just be smart about it.|||You should be worried about your future. You are not selfish. You need to talk to a lawyer. Your husband is a control freak who will never allow you any personal or financial freedom. Everything that you share in your marriage should be both of yours. Your name should be on the house title, the card title, bank accounts, everything. This man has stolen everything from you by putting it all in his name. You play the role of the free nanny and housekeeper.





Remember that unconditional love means that your husband should want for you what you want for yourself. He doesn't feel this way. He wants for you what he decides on and what he controls. This is not love and marriage. This is imprisonment.





Consult a lawyer and break free from this man. Don't raise your children in this restrictive atmosphere.|||First of all he is acting controlling by switching the funds into his personal account, granted I can somewhat see his reasoning for not wanting you to work at this time, but his attitude about it is a little off. See if he would be willing to allow you to take some online classes so that when the baby is old enough you at least have something to apply toward a job. On the plus side, if the worst would happen, there are programs that would assist you in career development. I have noticed that a man who wants total control of the money situation is not actually taking care of things, what would happen if he were in an accident and you needed to access the account? |||Unfortunately, I haven't ever been in that type of situation but I don't thing there should be any reason why you can't get a job. If you have a job you could pay for the daycare and he wouldn't have anything to worry about. I would talk to him about it and tell him that it's not that he doesn't take care of you because he does and he's a wonderful provider but you'd like to get out there and get into the world. You want to have extra money in case of emergencies or just to have for extra stuff you want around the house.|||ME PERSONALLY...I WOULD HAVE DISCUSSED THIS ISSUE WITH MY SPOUSE BEFORE I GOT MARRIED. I HAD MY FIRST JOB WHEN I WAS 12 SHOVELING SNOW AND NOW IM 20 YRS OLD WITH 2 JOBS AND ATTENDING COLLEGE. IVE ALWAYS EARNED MY OWN MONEY. MAYBE IF YOU TELL YOUR SPOUSE THAT YOU WILL PAY FOR DAYCARE. I THINK THAT IT IS UNFAIR THAT HE IS GETTING EVERYTHING IN HIS NAME. DOES HE GIVE YOU ANY MONEY AT ALL? THINK ABOUT THAT. YOU HAVE AS MUCH AS A RIGHT TO WORK AS HE DOES!!!|||I was in the exact same situation. I told my husband that his attitude makes me feel unsecured and the kids were top priority and if he didn't start doing some things to make me feel more secure then I was getting a job so I could have something called mine.


my husband still has his own bank account and I have mine, but everything is ours and this way he feels more in control of the money he earns. (had a bad childhood)


maybe you can get the baby into headstart if your in the US and that will help with daycare costs. maybe find out why he feels the way he does and communicate about how serious you are about your emotions.


I hope this helps and things work out, it didn't work that well for me, I ended up going to college after several tries of getting something decent and now I am working at a job that works well for everyone. but I was unsure while this was going on and how it work out but things did. and I hope it does for you! :)